we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

Your statement that she would not allow him to see his kids indicate that he has more than one child. I get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see my ex girlfriend's photos on Facebook with her boyfriend and pictures of the ultrasound of their baby. Aim for the face. I simply had to chime in here as this is what I do for a living and so many people are sadly misinformed. After that, its not your choice anymore. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? Wow, that was a super bitchy thing to say. You can have a spirited and logical debate, and still keep it interesting and above board. Sometimes the reasons are clear, such as frequent arguments, lack of interest, and abuse. The decision to have sex is not a decision to have a child, but it always carries that risk. April 11, 2012, 8:04 am. Its not a mystery. Who the hell else is clicking that button??! However, I dont think it sounds like hes ready or willing to settle down with either woman. Start sinking down in the gutter, and no, Im not going to follow you there. And WHY did he not practice safe sex since he only knew her 2 minutes? Yes? if she has a miscarriage because he's back with you, your fault. Men this means condom. He chose to roll the dice and take his chances with intercourse. Instead, you pick on women and insinuate that were ~unreasonable or some shit. I dont think you are right to try to make him stay with her. Yep. Oh, may be you should marry him and fantasize what kind of fun he is having whenever hes late coming home, or fearful he would leave you when you, like that woman, passed 40; or be told to get rid of your baby who is inconvenient to him. Guess what LW? P.S. She didnt roofie him, Chuck. And you wonder why people accuse the threads of being hostile toward males? When they were last together, he cheated on her many times and got another girl pregnant. Steve Kellmeyer Let me show you another scenario (that Im ad-libbing from GirlWritesWhat) following that logic: A woman is severely allergic to peanuts. Or you think that landygirl does that? SpaceySteph She cant afford a child on her own. Beyond that, no one really cares that he jumped in bed with another woman right after they broke up only to decide that he cant live without her after getting said woman pregnant. This asshole is not the answer. After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. Where the issue comes in is who physically is around the child more, which is placement, which though there has been progress tends to err on the side of the mother still, with all other things being equal. Sure. Risk reduction is not relevant, because the risk never goes to 0%. female RunsWithScissors The way you talk, I gotta believe youre one of those disgusting pro-lifers who are always trying to control people. I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently). reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A I highly doubt that he wouldve slept with her if he knew how incompatible they are prior to bedtime. You cant live without food. female Hes an idiot either way. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. I had no idea. Or so so many of you all keep saying. Instead of re-commenting this in the 23 different places above where it applies, Ill say it here (again): Why is everyone assuming he didnt use a condom? LW, why in the hell would you want to get with this guy right now? lets_be_honest Meaning, a woman SHOULD ask the guy who knocked her up what he would like. She deserves to be treated as cheap and unwanted but he doesnt deserve to skate free. Oh, and im missing the misogyny in that child support comment. April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. So then, to be clear, your point isnt that gay men are more likely to wear condoms. bittergaymark He wants nothing to do with her OR the baby? And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. SpaceySteph Um, I dont think anyone actually said that. Child support, such as it is, is frequently used as stealth spousal support. April 9, 2012, 7:09 pm. Barely nine months after we said our final goodbye, he was the father of a baby boy. Story. His girlfriend got pregnant, they got engaged, realized they didnt work as a couple, they decided it was in the best interest of the child if he was not a part of her life in any way, shape, or form, and so he signed some legal documents waiving all parental rights to the child, which absolved him of any responsibility to provide child support. Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. And hopefully this childs mother will, too. Francine Its not a secret that it works that way in our society. A female reader, iz07a +, writes (11 March 2010): my exboyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs. That is what passes for reality in your world? Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. bittergaymark Any advice on this would be appreciated as Im so confused and hurt. And how can you be mad at the woman? I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. This man in the letter has spent those same 25 years being an ever-aging manchild. thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. Men abandon and fail to pay for children constantly. Your choice. They talk, hed says hed rather not have a kid and would like her to get an abortion. Um, yeah. Do whats best for you, as difficult as that is. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. As for what you do: I personally would ask him to ask the woman to get a paternity test. A mans legal obligation to support his children is not some well hidden secret and nowhere is it mentioned that hes being asked for anything more. Whatever. Sex makes babies and every time you have sex you run the risk of making a baby. I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? But cest la vie. Many women become habituated to the hormone regimen and begin ovulating again, even while on the pill. Seriously, doesnt anyone get off on oral anymore? If its dude and hes a brain surgeon or something and shes a hot part-time bartender, his child support will be assessed at an amount that will put her in decent rent, a mercedes car payment and plenty left over for nice clothes and dining out, with an occasional weekend getaway thrown in the mix. The only thing you need to think about is if you can stay and have a healthy relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and wants to bear minimal responsibility for raising the child. I highly doubt thats what shes doing considering shes only known him for two minutes., SweetsAndBeats April 9, 2012, 11:23 am. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. Or until we decide to start a family.. Rachelgrace53 April 9, 2012, 6:41 pm, bittergaymark Coke didnt have to do anything wrong. That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. People in healthy relationships say things like despite the circumstances that broke us up, we realized our relationship was worth working past those things by doing xyz Finally, the letter reads as a teenagers temper tantrum. I do think he has a legal and monetary one, which he has stepped up to. Anyway, he ended the relationship with her and surprise, shes knocked up. Im not arguing that he should be able to force an abortion. You know, I was thinking about that, too. Regardless of whether or not he wants to stay with this women he impregnanted, do NOT stay with him yourself! Furthermore, why does this child need two parents? And the legal system that obligates him was in place when he put himself in this position. People in healthy relationships dont say that. A real man steps up to be there for the baby, more than just money for the baby, and to be there for the mother even if he cant stand her. So it sounds like the mom here mustve been in a postiion to want and/or raise a child. I think shes nothing but a little scroat. And that isnt fair either. You know, if he was tricked its not surprising that he would say these things. Might he have continued sleeping with her? Why, my God, you could have hit a chid running out in the street. April 9, 2012, 5:29 pm. Sounds like he found something easy, and easy cost a lot.money and happiness. 99 % of people would necessarily mean about 99 % of women. April 10, 2012, 10:20 pm. 3. Furthermore, men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement, even though consensual sex involves both people equally. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. Probably a creationist, from what you know about biological science. Happens all the time. The NBA star is reportedly expecting his third child with personal trainer Maralee Nichols, per The Daily Mail. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. Why would you want a future with someone that could do something like that? Iwannatalktosampson And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? And its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. April 9, 2012, 5:24 pm, The mention of being logical for some reason made me think of the whole idea of true abandonment. Comparing your own experience to other people's. If you and your partner don't feel like you're getting the love you deserve, one of you could cheat. landygirl This is the set up for some serious melodrama. Also, if the other woman keeps the baby, this is going to provide significant insight into her boyfriends character that will help her make her decision. landygirl. 2. Woman are more easily able to get custody and so are more likely to get support. Not sure what it is now, but when I studied it in college the chance was about 1 in 10 (if you had unprotected sex with a known infected person). If youre a man, your time to prevent having a child is when you have sex and decide how to protect yourself. There is a chance it isnt his. I chose to have a baby. You have to grow up and stop this childish immature desiring for a man who keeps you hanging around. I didnt mean to imply it wasnt true, it just unfortunately isnt enforceable. Hi. I get owning up to your responsibilities in an unwanted pregnancy, but you cant really think that is going through every non-idiot males mind when he gets ready to have sex. Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. You have to be mature and know what is best for you. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. Not exactly. Dont push him to be with this woman. April 9, 2012, 10:03 pm, God, are you REALLY this dense? These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? (and I hate that C-word.but LW, you deserve it). Especially if ever precaution was taken (birth control, condoms, etc.). Then, again you seem a tad immature so maybe you deserve each other. The point you bring up here is why I cant wrap my head around one night stands. Everything else aside, most of the guys in this thread are more upset about the sex part than they are about the child out of wedlock part. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill. As well, the LW has no right to call this other woman names, purely because it was the LWs (ex? Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. Ive done that on a number of occasions. Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis. I know that everyone is focusing on that, but I think that the response would have been the same even if the LW had acknowledged this. I dont think anyones saying that. By having sex you are saying that the woman might get pregnant and you are willing to deal with it if that is the case. Its like the universe is all conspiring against us! April 10, 2012, 9:34 am. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass.. Are you sure you are not living in a cheap novel? Not that she had the audacity to get pregnant after sex but for keeping the baby. it happens. He doesnt have to have a romantic relatioship with her, but if she keeps the baby, and IF he is a real man, then this woman will be in his life for the rest of his, as the child is her child as well as his. So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? But I agree no one should tell anyone what they can and cant do with their own bodies. Yes, it takes 2 to tango but she is the one carrying the child and an abortion isnt just an easy thing to do. But even though I led you to believe I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to have the baby anyway and thereby obligate you to two decades of support.. because, no one can give you a 100% guarantee that none of that will happen. Just sayin. April 10, 2012, 6:21 pm, And yet men still keep having sex with us. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup. landygirl In the future, if I should ever have the desire to date again I would use condoms in addition to birth control to make sure I dont get diseases. People need to think about their actions and the consequences. I wish there was some way he could have prevented himself from ejaculating into a woman if only there was some way he could have arranged that some way for him to have control over his reproductive material or the choice of woman or the choice to ejaculate at all if only the poor man no choice in the matter AT ALL

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